j's journey

growth

Another consultation with the Nurse Practioner. She is still calm, helpful and hopeful. She feels it may take as long as three months to return to normal. We are trying something a bit different and I feel better this morning than yesterday.

Just started some seeds for Nasturtiums, Red-leaf Lettuce and Basil. This afternoon, I hope to get some herb seedlings and at least two tomato plants.

This is more ambition than I have had in months.

difficult decision

After much consultation, decided to use an estrogren cream in moderation. It came down to a balance between the risk of cancer and quality of life. It has been six days and there is significant improvement. I feel hopeful.

as I was saying...

...anything can happen at any time. One of the things about cancer (especially breast cancer that is estrogen-receptive) is that it just keeps on giving. Not only is my immune system less than ideal, due to the lasting after-effects of chemo, but also (being post-menopausal and, therefore, lacking in naturally produced estrogen) my body is struggling with estrogen deprivation.

Without TMI, let's just say that there is atrophy and susceptibility to infection. It has been three long months and things still are not quite solved.

Eating lots and lots of yogurt, since estrogen suppositories (suggested by one gyn nurse practitioner!) are OUT OF THE QUESTION.

Discouraging, depressing, debilitating.

Not much "quality of life" over here, and, therefore, not too much to write about.

physical

I am well. Blood pressure fine (which means I had psyched myself into accepting whatever he said). Kidneys fine, liver a bit elevated (he thinks the many medications I take), cholesterol to be monitored but essentially OK.

Listen. Once you have cancer, you never ever feel OK about physicals, blood tests, mammograms, gyn...ANYTHING.

Bad news can arrive at any moment.

But, for now, I am OK. Moving on.

out and about

We have been somewhere/done something every day this week. Even today, we went to the AAA office (which, by the way, is closed on Saturday!) to try to get a map of the Carefree/Anthem area. Next door, is our one and only upscale culinary store, where I managed to find a fast-draining colander. It cost more than it should, but it also has handles that expand so that the thing will hang over the sink. Very nice.

The colander I have now is very good-looking (from Ikea, years ago), but drains very slowly. Would look spiffy if I had a pot-hanger thing, but doesn't work so well.

Bought a bottle of pre-mixed Margarita(s) for tomorrow. We are having chili, at BG's request, along with Green Chile Cheese Dip, a 40-year-old recipe from Sunset Magazine. I think we are Super-Bowl ready.

I will watch the game with BG, since XXBIL has out-of-town company and isn't available to share the game with BG. I have learned quite a bit about sports in the last few years, but BG will still have to tell me when to cheer. Football is still a mystery to me.

at last

some energy seems to be returning to this household (in spite of the fact that my gyn has determined that I have some kind of bacterial infection and have to take antibiotics which will inevitably lead to further complications...TMI). However, we have made a list of tasks, both functional about the house and personal about business, and a sort of calendar where we can, theoretically, decide when we are going to attempt.

Today, we went to the home improvement store and got new hardware (towel racks) for the bathroom we share. The cat gets the other one. We bought hooks for my closet, so I can hang up my (ratty) jeans when I am "dressed up" to leave the house. We got a new shower curtain rod to take the place of the one that doesn't work so well.

See? Progress.

venting, of the regular kind

What would possess an elderly mother who is dependent upon her daughter for most transportation, many meals (delivered to her door), help with financial figuring and emotional contact and support...to, fairly consistently, tell that daughter (me) that she is OLD?

I am the same age that Mom was when she moved here from Scottsdale, having just retired. She did not consider herself OLD. She was self-sufficient, drove, volunteered, shopped her coupons, went on Elderhostel trips with a friend.

Me, I am five years past breast cancer, exercising, fixing up the house we bought, taking care of Mom's needs, doing things with my husband, thinking about taking up yoga again, planning trips in our little RV, sorting through all the detritus of our 45 years together (so that we can keep what is worth keeping and jettisoning the rest) and she tells me I am OLD.

And gets defensive when I point out this stupid assertion.

She is driving me crazy.

Today, the other sister, J, took her along to the Mall and Mom refused to buy an ice cream cone...because...get this...it was TOO EXPENSIVE.

Crazy, I tell you. Mom could buy and sell all three of her daughters.

The end.

uneventful, once again

• Took the vent guys all morning, but it's done. Now to roast something spicy and oily for dinner to test it.

• Mom's eye exam took all of five minutes. It took longer to fill out the "it's the new year, please write everything down AGAIN" form.

• The bank took longer than that...she cashed in five bonds (each earned approximately $100 over the last 30 years). She put the huge amount in her saving account. If her name is drawn, her bank will double that deposit, during their special promotion. Woo!

• Teriyaki Bowls from Jack in the Box for dinner.

America

I am very moved. It makes me feel that our country is finally beginning to live up to the promise.

I dunno

Still thinking about the Twitter thing. I immediately got two "followers." One appeared to be someone who had just joined as well. The other was clearly an advertiser. I went back in and canceled the email notification feature.

I'll try it for another day and, if I don't really see any benefit, I'll cancel.

Watching the crowds at the National Mall. It's great, but I'm sure glad I'm not there in real life. Crowds? Not so much.

I will watch on TV tomorrow though.

This country's "coming of age" and living up to its promise has been a LONG time coming.